I looked at the watch. It was 7 pm. Then I realized why people take new education. Like why they go to Law School. Or perhaps take another job, part time.
Because at 7 pm, I was bored. And can be said, anxious.
My shoulders feel heavy. My jaw feels tight. There’s some ringing in my left ear since yesterday or better be, I can hear the waves of water. Weird. I’m bored but I am also thinking of a person I barely even know. Are we OK? This radio silence is killing me though it’s not new. I’m thinking of past events and decisions that weighed me down (and they continue to) even if I know I did the right thing and I finally put myself first (but why does it feel so difficult, I just wanna cry, and lie on bed all the time but at the same time, I don’t wanna think about them? Wow, that was long but in short, This is fucking depressing).
If they are in school, they must be doing assignments, reviewing lessons, finishing a thesis. If they have a second job, they might be hustling right now. In short, they are probably thinking of something else than the mere existence of life. Or, unlike what I am doing, stuck at thinking of people, events, and other things that just give me problems.
If they were in school or in another job, they are stressing on other things. They don’t get to be depressed over the similar things I am sad about or merely think about. Their midnights aren’t their afternoons as Swift put it. They get a different definition for that.
That’s why they choose to get another degree, a Master’s, or better yet, a PhD. Or they are stressing out on another boss or being happy with another successful project.
Maybe it’s time to rethink if I wanna go back to school.
Nope. Not gonna happen. Even if I think school is the only thing I am good at.
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What do you think, Awesome?