All These Repressed (Longing) Emotions Over The Half of It

I've watched The Half of It three times within two days and I can say I want to watch it again, and again, and again. It's so good, so excellent, that I didn't want it to end! So warning: This piece is not well thought of. This isn't a review. I just really wanted to rave and rant about The Half of It.

From the moment I saw the synopsis then the trailer, I knew I would like this film by Alice Wu, known as the writer and director of Saving Face. I loved Saving Face so I had high hopes for The Half of It knowing it will be coming from the same creator.

(I'm writing this last because I really didn't think of a synopsis about the film as if I am assuming readers already watched or know what it is but really, I just didn't think of putting it since this isn't a review but here. Yeah, I AM BLABBERING!) So Ellie is an introvert senior kid and introverts don't really have friends. Her classmates only know her when they need essays to write and she gets paid for $10.00 for three pagers, $20.00 for 3-10. Nothing above 10 pages, OK? Not until Paul, a football player reached out to her to change her life by hiring her to be a writer for his love letters to Aster Flores — the prettiest girl in school. The Queen Bee but isn't a Queen Bee. 

Yeah, the plot was a basic Cyrano de Bergerac formula (which I just learned because of this film and I felt so smart upon knowing), but it took a different level. Up a notch. It was about a queer person of color who doesn't know she is the protagonist of the story. It was so easy for Ellie to not mind she's different and that was one of the best parts for me. 

I'm a sucker for coming of age stories hence the reason why I love The Half of It better than Saving Face. I resonated with Ellie. 

Among all the queer films I have watched since I was in college, that was more than 10 years ago if my Math is right, this is the very first time I felt so represented. Not with Ang Huling Cha Cha ni Anita which is definitely my favorite film. Perhaps because Anita was too young for me to feel the connection. I didn't feel that way when I was of her age. Not with Rome and Juliet despite my love for poetry which was also the reason why I love the film. Not with Fucking Amal despite the storyline about teens in high school who realized they love each other while the I Wanna Know What Love Is played while they were at the back of a stranger's car (because they just asked for a ride) and ended up with both of them coming out of, was that a restroom? that signifies their coming out as a couple (so I basically spoiled the whole film and Alice Wu said this is her favorite coming of age story). And not with Saving Face despite my resonation with Will when it comes to antics and being awkward at some point. With Ellie, a lot of checkboxes were checked.

Asian? Check.

Bike? Check.

Introvert? Check.

Jacket? Check.

Glasses? Check.

Doesn't have a lot of friends? Check.

Table tennis? Check.

Reads and loves books? Check. (But Ellie's defo smarter, nerdier)

Pay me for your project? DEFINITELY CHECK BECAUSE I DID IT IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I never really thought about the oppression of fitting in before. The good thing about being different is that no one expects you to be like them.

- Ellie

These lines from Ellie really echoed. As a kid who doesn't have much friends and when you see me in person, I am always quiet and aloof, I know I am different and that for me, is OK. I don't need to fit in.

Our only difference was, she has that musical prowess. Damn, I bought a guitar and ukulele and I don't even use them. Until now, I can't get the right strums or strokes. And oh! Both our fathers are engineers! But Tatay didn't have a PhD and he's the one who is dead.

Apart from the feeling of being represented, I really loved that the film was so quiet but it rapped on so many issues — immigrants, racism, homophobia, religion, fitting in, and knowing one's self. Unlike all the queer films I've watched, well, majority scream about homophobia and unholiness (that's not how it went with Ang Huling Cha Cha ni Anita that's why that film was a bomb!!!), The Half of It took it quietly but it will break your heart in a way you were already expecting but you just didn't know when it will take the blow. Just like how Wu said it, we will all love a good person but there would be something about them that will break our hearts.

After watching it for the third time, I felt Ellie's loneliness. Or I felt lonely despite knowing Ellie had her happy ending. There was this scene where she asked her teacher, who was her only friend before Paul and Aster, "You know what it's like to finally meet someone who gets you?" 

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE UPCOMING PARAGRAPHS. 

It made me think that maybe, just maybe, Ellie was… was lonely. And for the first time she never felt alone, she has Paul, her relationship with her dad has gone better, and probably Aster, it was her time to leave. But her leaving was for her growth, herself.

I think it’s the kind of lonely that Ellie said when Aster asked her if she believes in God. In Squahamish, a religious and repressed town, not believing in God is lonely because almost everyone does. Ellie will always be “isolated”, in the dark, kept, like a secret. And falling in love with Aster lies in those spaces.

The film also had an intelligent way of subtly using the church as one of the settings and the everyday persons Ellie sees around town speaking of immorality.

With every movie we've had, most of the time, introverts don't take spaces. They blend in the background. Or the Cyranos of the story gets a physical make over. Like example for Ellie, probably her glasses will fall off and that's the time Paul will see that it was Ellie who he should be with. However, that was not how the story went. Ellie didn't have a physical make over. What she had were bold strokes. Same goes with Paul, Aster, and even Edwin, Ellie's dad. 

Aside from the whole queer story, The Half of It was beautifully weaved. From beginning to end. It had a lot of literary from Plato to Satre, to films, and to books that talked about the repressed longing which was the whole message of the film. Longing for the other half, with a reference on how Plato believed that we were used to be complete with four arms, four legs, one head with two faces, happy, and complete. But the Gods thought we would no longer need them, our wholeness will quell our need for worship, so they cleaved us into two so we spend our lives looking for the other half. But the other half was given a new meaning in the film — that love takes different forms. 

Apart from the story, it was very, very, very, visually pleasing. A lot of eye candies with sense. The beginning was an animation with a lot of foreshadowing which you wouldn't realize while you were watching the film. A lot of wide and "balanced" shots with each of the characters glowing, the importance of details and their meanings, and the color grading were done perfectly. (Every time I say perfectly or perfect, say, I'm Ellie Chu.)

For the first time, too, I started to feel the importance of music in films. I used to neglect music perhaps because they just didn't fit but with The Half of It, the lyrics of the songs and the background music were placed in perfect timing and scenes. Let's take for example the spring scene, aside from Ruen Brothers' Lonesome being the background music while they were not talking about boys (PASSING THE BECHDEL TEST, BABY!) in the same setting:

Ellie: (My mom) She said every song, movie, story, has a best part.
Instrumental of Chicago's If You Leave Me Now plays
Aster: Was that it?
Ellie: Are you asking or saying?
Radio: A love like ours is love that's hard to find...
Aster: That was it.
Ellie: Yeah.
Radio: How can we let it slip away? then Ellie drifts toward Aster

Their Spotify playlist is my everyday jam and it hurts!

And lastly, I think what made The Half of It so beautiful were the cast. They imbibed their characters perfectly, giving life to the script.

Leah Lewis who plays Ellie, whenever I see her on social media, she isn't Ellie at all but she made Ellie real. Those awkwardness, the introversion, the voice, it made Ellie whole.

Her face during this scene, the repressed longing, partnered with Gordon Lightfoot's song If You Could Read My Mind. Again, it hurt.

Those glances... and awkwardness.

The frustration

Paul and Aster, as said in a review by Malinda Lo were both stereotypes (of a white boy, and a pretty girl perched on the mount of popularity) who didn't end up as stereotypes. And you can see their own struggles.

Mind those lines and see how they separate Ellie from others but she dared to cross them!

Paul, played by Daniel Deimer is a white boy, but he is not that smart and too good looking like Trig but he plays football. He also didn't come from a rich family but he has friends and was never bullied because he's white.

How two people who are both not "good" in talking had a meaningful conversation despite literally having different languages.

Aster? Aster isn't white but she's pretty and she's the queen of the school since her boyfriend came from the most influential family in town. Her dad is the parish head so she gets the respect. Aster knows all these things, how a pretty face comes with perks, and there was a pull break away but yes, she chose not to because that was where it was safe, not until Paul and Ellie came to the picture. Aster's character is more than what meets the eye.

How her eyes look right into yours. How... she twirls her hair when she's reading. How... her laugh busts out like she can't help herself and she stops being so perfect just for a few moments. She has at least five different voices. How you could live in an ocean of her thoughts and... feel like she knows, like really knows... 

- Ellie about Aster

She's pretty, and smart, and funny, and pretty, and smart, and funny, and pretty, and smart, and funny. Argh, she's so pretty!!!!

- Paul about Aster (and also me about Aster, hahah!)

I really liked how Alexxis Lemire portrayed Aster's character. It was grounded with a lot of non-verbal nuances that transcended the message. She talked without saying anything. For me, she was the secret muse of film.

Also, the advertising for this film is so generous. Alice perhaps made it to be like that. Whenever fans ask her or point out details, she will explain those things and the way she explains them are so on point! See her Twitter!

There's a lot of quotable quotes from the film which I bet you will love, too, but here's the main one defining what love is.

I've said this a lot of times but I will say it again:

The Half of It was the film I needed back when I was in college, when I was 16, which I still need today.

Thank you, Alice Wu for another masterpiece! You may stream The Half of It on Netflix! Photos not mine but screenshots from the film.

And look that even before, gender wasn't an issue when it comes to looking for the other half:

The second paragraph