I saw this certain post on my Facebook feed that says, Magaling ka naman talaga, kailangan mo lang ng taong magpapaalala sayo (sic) nito.
This made me have a sudden trip down memory lane. Like, really random. My brain has its own navigation, most of the time, driving me years back — as far as those dates where I really cringe at myself.
At this moment, it drove me back to 2014. That time when my contract ended while working as a Talent (contract-based) in a media-based non-government organization. The word mahusay kept repeating in my head. I remember clearly the moment it was said.
It was the first time we met. Me and our head writer. I was a writer for the foundation back then and we only conversed via emails and through her comments on the scripts I send daily.
“Good day, Ma'am. For your corrections. Thank you very much and have a nice day.”
“Good day, Ma'am.
For checking po.
Thank you very much and have a nice day!”
Those are the two exact emails I saw in my Gmail tonight as I tried to back track. Ah. How (extra) polite I was. You won’t see me sending emails like those now. LOL.
Going back to the first time we met, my supervisor introduced me before we started our agenda (we were about to meet for storycon). FT. Si Thei.
She was sitting on the chair beside the round table. I believe that was like their mini meeting space at the center of the newsroom. I said my Hi-Hellos and she replied with, Mahusay ka!, beaming with a smile as she looked at me.
As a fresh grad and an introvert, all I was able to say (or do is a better term) was to smile back and say thank you. But with my confidence so low, I had a hard time believing that praise.
Believing that Mahusay ako.
I tried to check if I still have our very last email exchange. I tried to find her replies. I know she did reply to my last email. The email where I said my thank you.
“Ma'am, thank you for all the lessons you've given by just editing my scripts and putting those comments. Thank you for telling that my scripts are good, creative, all those words in capital letters, and those new words such as non sequitur, I will never forget them. And of course, the very first time na nakita ko po kayo at sabi niyo, "Mahusay ka." (Ewan ko lang po kung bola yun. Haha :) ) Salamat po.”
But I can’t find any of her replies. I don’t know if I deleted them, or Gmail deleted them, or the company’s email provider has the permission to delete those emails coming from their business profile. I know I am not imagining things. I remember clearly that I was sitting on our roof when I sent the message above at 7:30 pm, June 30, 2014 (which happened to be my last day with that team), and she replied with something along the lines, Nung sinabi kong mahusay ka, mahusay ka talaga.
She also offered help for me to find a post in the newsroom (because my supervisor asked her if there’s any writer vacancy within their team as Thea’s contract can no longer be renewed due to cost cutting). However, I declined the offer (which I also now cannot find that specific email) as I didn’t want to experience the heat of the kitchen (in translation, the fast-paced world of news). I know. It was a big opportunity I passed up on. Anyway, that’s a different story.
So as I was surfing through the waves of nostalgia and emails almost nine years ago, I saw this forwarded email. The original message was from her.
Just have to say that what a joy it was to edit Thea’s scripts.
More than remembering the Mahusay comment, this email brought me to tears. Because I didn’t remember she said this about my work. I remember her comments on top of the document saying, This is a really good or nice or creative script. I still know that one script — the script where I played with SFXs and GFXs. But this email, I have long forgotten. And I am so glad it exists. I am so glad my colleague sent this to me, without me remembering if I asked her to send it to me or she initiated it.
Joy is not a word I often see as a comment about my writing hence I guess this is why the email hits so differently. Moreso, because technically, she wasn’t really my boss back then, if I remember the structure correctly. This can be tagged under Moments That Altered my Brain Chemistry, as TikTok language says.
Bonus but to serve myself:
This is a screenshot that a friend sent almost four years ago. He was talking to our college professor about how he can improve his writing, then she commented that apart from the advice she was giving. There are days I look back at this screenshot, too. Again, my lack of self confidence questioned if I was the Althea being referred. But as my friend said, Isang Althea (lang) kilala ko. This is for another story, if ever.
Her comment also made me happy or validated. That somehow, maybe I can really write. It may not be as good as others because I have long accepted the fact that someone will always be better than me when it comes to writing, but I can.
Still, a part of me also says, Perhaps you were a better or at least a good writer back then. Gone are the days. But you know what? Why am I gaslighting myself? I should be happy that these moments exist/ed.
And just like the comments I saw last time when the announcement was made, the newsroom is in good hands as you (our head writer back then) were appointed as the new head of the news department of one of the country’s biggest media networks. It was also a joy that fate allowed me, a fresh grad, with no professional writing experience, to cross paths with yours.
In case someone would read much into this entry, this has nothing to do with the affirmation I get in my professional life now or even back then. I know my bosses or leaders value the work I put in every day — and me.
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What do you think, Awesome?