(Sometimes,) Love is Inconvenience

I don’t like being an inconvenience or a burden. Hence most of the time, I just do things on my own, don’t ask for help, or if people include me and it’s something I really can’t do, I tell them to not stop on my account, just do it without me as I really don’t mind. I’m already glad to just watch them do their thing or that I was asked. And when they consider what I feel about it — for example when I can’t eat spicy food — they adjust to my needs even if I say there’s no need, I feel shy. I feel like I’m being an inconvenience.

But this morning, very randomly, it crossed my mind that love entails inconvenience sometimes. Or to give and receive love, you would feel it in one way or another. Love exists when there’s inconvenience and discomfort.

I feel loved when my boss and my teammates (before and now) immediately tell me, Thei, may kick ‘yung pasta or soup. Or, Thea, maanghang ‘to.

Or when one of them says, May kakainin doon si Thea so pwede tayo ro’n!, when they were planning an out of the country trip.

Or when my two friends from high school would always say, ‘Wag na ‘to. Maanghang ‘to, eh, when we’re eating together, even when I repeatedly tell them they can order it and I’ll order separately. (But they also don’t want to waste food because ordering twice would mean there’d be more leftovers, especially since I don't eat that much, in general. Haha!) Buffalo wings then become chicken with honey or garlic and parmesan cheese. 

Just… thank you.

Traveling to far places, riding through different vehicles just to reach the destination, answering past midnight chats and calls, listening to every no and every yes while understanding them, checking out every restaurant to find the comfort food, those acts we do to show up even if they scream inconvenience and are out of our comfort zone, they also scream love.

And I think this kind is the purest form of love — especially when these acts come from people who don’t even have to do it for me but they choose to do so.

I hope you’re in a circle that tells you when the meal is spicy before you even dig in or a circle that’s willing to change their buffalo wings order for honey and garlic parmesan.