New Week, New Chances to Fuck Up

This isn't me. At least the better half of me.

I've been trying but I always end up unsuccessful. I ended the last year trying to envision the things I want(ed) to do this year. Jog regularly, sleep better, and bike indoors. But, wow. I am fucking up each of them.

I'm missing all the days I planned to regularly jog in the morning. I no longer have the same enthusiasm for my random, I-don't-have-a-specific-route walks. I'm too lazy, which I was doing so good in the past to reach my Strava kilometers (as an excuse, because Strava changed the criteria for 100 km-run monthly challenges). I bought a spare bike so I can use it for my trainer yet I am not using them — the bike, the trainer, and my two other bikes. (Thank God for that one Monday afternoon that I went out to ride my roadie.)

And what I hate the most is that, I haven't finished the book assigned in my first book club. Behold, even the other book in the other book club (I didn't even download the file), and even the book tagged as my personal read (at least I'm almost half of it). The deadline for the pick for the first book club was supposed to be tomorrow yet I am still at chapter eight out of 30. Normally, I would be finished with it or at least I only have a chapter to conclude today.

I'm not sleeping any better. What's new, yeah. I need to wake up before 6 am for work yet I sleep around what? 2 am? Fuck me. It's not a Friday night nor a weekend every day.

I don't like it. I dislike this part of me right now. I'm always on my phone or laptop, playing. This is not me. This shouldn't be me. 

Sigh.

Welp.

It's a new week. They say it's a restart. Could be. But could also be new chances to fuck up. Again.

I'm wishing myself luck starting tonight.

Photo should have been a before and after of my desk but I forgot to take a photo of the mess. I thank myself for finally cleaning it up. For having the force to do it. Like the force I had yesterday to go out, walk, and read. I always have the thought and urge to do things, but I can't seem to force myself to do them so.