I am writing this while relistening to Speak Now (Taylor’s Version), still looking for the same energy and angst she had in the stolen version, as the anesthesia on my gums and tongue has worn off.
I know for a fact that 100% of people around me think that I would do everything in my power to watch Taylor Swift’s concert when it was announced that she’ll be having the Asian tour. Finally, she didn’t forget her Asian fans. We existed once again, but there’s a catch — you know this already by now as you went through The Great War, fighting dragons. I really wish you survived and finished it with confetti falling to the ground. I mean that from the bottom of my hypothalamus and heart because you deserve it, no matter how many rocks people throw at you saying you aren’t a real Swiftie. That you just became one when 1989 happened or latest, Midnights, and you hate Lover. I don't gatekeep. You are a Swiftie.
But I didn’t. I didn’t want to.
While I appreciate everyone’s tag, mention, and excitement (and worry) for me to get the ticket and their confidence that I will be getting one, even to the point that two people already expressed that they will pay for my ticket (HAH! BEAT THAT, BABY.), I didn’t make an effort to get the coveted seat. My boss even told me my leaves were already approved when I had no plans to file them.
The extent of what I did? I just signed up in Ticket Master Singapore for an access code, and that’s it. When I didn’t get one, it was a goodbye, and I didn’t have a lot to pine about. I just wanted to check in with fate if, in any case, I’ll be getting the code so I tried.
From the start, I knew I wouldn’t be watching Taylor Swift even if she decided to do her Eras here in the Philippines. I literally have no plans to do so. You might be asking why. You’re confused that the Thea who has been posting about Swift almost every day, doesn’t like the tickets.
My Fearless (Standard), Fearless (Platinum Edition), and Speak Now (Standard) CDs, given by my Tita. Stolen Versions in the house. LOL.
Well, the most obvious reason is because, we got bills to pay.
I’m kidding. My bank account tells me I can pay for the ticket, before someone else would say, You just don’t have the money for it, which is a very Filipino thing to say (the antagonists, at least).
My fanaticism, if there’s such a word, with Taylor Swift hasn’t transcended my introversion that I want to go out of my way to see her perform live. I also feel that even if I would get good seats, it would just make me feel like I am watching her on my phone. I’m trying to explain this the best way I can, but maybe, I’m the kind of viewer who just really enjoys watching on screen. I don’t like attending fan meets where I can't talk or be near the artist I went for (example, a book signing event or talk is something I would go to) or concerts. They aren’t just really my thing.
It’s stressful. At least for me. The kind of stress that I won’t feel I won after everything. Seeing and knowing people screaming, crying, in perfect storms, when they didn’t get an access code to them making all the tables turn just to get the tickets from Klook is something I have no patience with — I don’t wanna go through that for myself. At least for this setup. Perhaps, if I did line up in Klook or in Ticket Master (should I have gotten a code), that would just feel like some sort of bragging rights to me, and not because I am elated and celebrating that I am seeing Inang next year.
It’s stressful, again. For the wallet. Despite having more than enough to spend for The Eras, it’s too expensive. I don’t see myself spending PHP20k+ for a trip just to see someone who doesn’t even know me. I can’t spend that hefty amount of moolah for this parasocial relationship. Add that if I chose Japan, I would need to work on my Visa. I also don’t think I will accept the sponsorship I mentioned earlier (but thank you very much. That was a very “heartwarming” offer that I didn’t see coming). Worse come to worse? My brain also told me, What if I spent too much and the immigration just offboards me because this would be my first time to travel out of the country? Yeah. Having a weak passport and a failing government suck.
And most of all, ever since the time I started to adore Swift, she will always be White and privileged to me. She’s still a businesswoman, after all. Yes, of course. She needs to be compensated for her craft. That’s correct. But I also see the political economy (LUH?!) at play here, especially when rumors about the Singapore bidding war made rounds.
I justified that she couldn’t come to the Philippines because we lack the capacity to hold The Eras, and that woman would not allow her The Eras to be a freaking acoustic night. It’s The Eras, for fuck’s sake. That woman won’t compromise her craft after almost three years of being unable to perform, being robbed by the pandemic as it canceled the Loverfest.
But I also acknowledge that it’s beneficial and profitable for her only to have two countries in Asia. It’s a lot easier for her production to ingress and egress, for one. They don’t need to fly every week per country (Oh, jeez. The emissions of her jet, yeah? No worries. Us Swifties will compensate for the carbon dioxide emissions by walking). As someone told me, over a discussion on how stressful this SEA Games (Taylor’s Version) is, Singapore is already rich. They don’t need this much of tourism boost. So why didn’t she add another stop, at least?
It’s still business at the end of the day. CapiTAYlism is slayLor. The Eras ain't charity. It is for those who can pay for it.
Though did I really not have a change of heart to push for it? I did. With a very small, single speck of dust (that’s overly redundant). But that just proves that I am going to Singapore or Japan not because of the concert, but sure, let’s use Taylor Swift as a smokescreen.
Me not getting The Eras tickets ain’t the end of the decade, but I do understand all too well why it is for others. I know that of all the years you stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now, you finally have the crown and be completely enchanted. May your moment next year be tied together with a smile. I hope for that deeply. You need that ending to be better than revenge and better than Mr. Perfectly Fine, for all the tears, energy, prayers, and money you spent.
Despite my lack of enthusiasm for The Eras Tour, I will still be that Swiftie who adored (and still does) Taylor Swift from the moment I heard Teardrops on My Guitar on the radio. The kid who fell in love with her lyricism and storytelling and didn’t care about the boys he dated (I don’t even know her dating timelines, but now being happy about GayLores. Yes, Miss Americana ends my morals).
The kid who ran down the stairs all summer, every day, just to switch on the radio to hear the song (Teardrops) on the local station’s daily top hits, competing with Granny before she turned on the television to watch her noontime show. Granny, just five to 10 minutes more. I need to hear Taylor Swift (which means she got a higher ranking today. She’s no longer in 5th or 4th place). The kid who continuously played her Fearless album, as evidenced by the scratches behind the disc.
The kid who knows the lyrics of I’d Lie by heart from start to finish because that’s her favorite TS song (and kinda the benchmark of knowing if you’re an OG Swiftie). The kid who spent her time in a computer shop looking at The Inner Circle to learn her unreleased songs and check where she could find them. The kid who searched for her on Friendster (lots of accounts, by the way which I don't know who was real or not) and read about how tall she is and that she would never straighten her hair again just to impress a guy.
The kid who’s still waiting for Picture to Burn (Homophobic Version) (Taylor's Version) and wanting to have the mattress back in Better Than Revenge (Taylor’s Version) because those two songs spoke about her high school life somehow. The kid who watched Best Days of Your Life MV too many times because that song was bop with Kellie Pickler, listened to Christmases When You Were Mine every December and considers Christmas Must be Something More as her favorite Christmas Song, and who is so fond of the capitalized letters in past album booklets.
The kid who will continue to speak about her doings and not doings because she can like and criticize Taylor Swift at the same time. The kid who is happy to know she's no longer the only Swiftie in the vicinity. The kid who will continue to look forward to her song and album releases — but still won’t get tickets for her show. At least for now.
But if it were Sara Bareilles, I would buy that ticket even before I get to blink.
Of course, that’s hyperbole.
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What do you think, Awesome?