The Sky and I Suck at Doing Nothing

I was surprised to see the sky a while ago on my way home as there was still light behind the clouds. This was taken 40 minutes past 6 pm. I was surprised because I have been under an illusion (more like delusion) that when it's 6 pm, it should be dark already. That the sky is already giving total darkness and there's nothing else to do but to lie on then bed then sleep because the next day dreads you.

For the longest time now, it seems I've been trying to pull the hands of the clock every time, thinking I'm running out of minutes and seconds to do things. I want stuff to be done right away. My mind just keeps on telling me, Thea, do this now so you can finish everything by this time so you aren't doing anything anymore. One example: I play Fitness Boxing every day. I used to set it for 22-30 minutes till I shifted to 5-15 minutes which is the shortest setting. But even if it's at less than 15 minutes, while I'm punching the air, my mind just can't wait for it to be done. I want to fast forward it as if I can, even if I'm not yet halfway of the session.

Funny thing is, when I'm finished with everything, I suck at doing nothing. What now? What to do?

What's even funnier?

I know that I don't want to do anything but I keep on asking those questions. I don't want to do anything but half of my brain also wants to but I just can't find the whatever-word to do so. Is it I just can't find the energy to do something? Is it the will to do something? Or the time to do something when obviously, there is time? I feel that when I spend my free time to do something even if it's a recreational activity (e.g., biking, reading, playing, watching), I have consumed something I'm not supposed to. But isn't it also consumption even if I don't do anything during that duration? God, send help for my explanation and articulation.

Hence the surprise with the sky. I thought it's already late. I thought a new day (tomorrow) is about to happen in a few blinks. I thought 6 pm is already late when it seems, the sky is just getting ready for it to be late.