I’ve lost “friends” because of voicing out this question whether it’s the month of June or not. I’ve lost “friends” over a single question, “Are you in favor of the SOGIE bill?” just because they do not have an opinion as it doesn’t concern them. I’ve lost “friends” because of their religious posts and beliefs that the Bible says we’re sinners and an abomination, we will all burn in hell. Sooner, I guess I would also be losing family members.
The thing is, I don’t think I can coexist with people who would never see me as their equal, at least from the perspective of having the same rights. I just… I just don’t get it. I can’t comprehend why they cannot let me experience what they are experiencing and why they cannot understand that the world is made of different spectrum.
My attraction to same sex did not happen in a snap. Unlike others, I wasn’t born thinking, Hey! I like girls. I had boyfriends but they didn’t work, not because I like girls but plainly because they didn’t. However, it was easy for me. I had no second thoughts or what we can call an identity crisis. I’ve always believed that love is just love. Kikiligin ka kung kikiligin ka. It doesn’t matter to whom, to what, it’s just what it is — love.
However, of course, because this love is seen as abnormal, it had a lot of hurdles which took two heartbreaks in total, sleepless nights, red eyes, and some episodes of crying on the bathroom floor like how cliché movies go. Because their families wouldn’t approve this kind of relationship, because their churchmates think it’s a sin, because society will look at us differently. Too many nights and mornings asking the exact lines Rome Miranda (Mylene Dizon from Rome & Juliet) said, “Why is God’s definition of love so different from everyone else’s? How can it be so different from mine?”
But then I realized, it wasn’t God who made the definition but the people around me, whether I know them or not. Fortunately, I never blamed myself nor asked God to cure me. I know it’s hard for others who are struggling. Those who will always pray to the Almighty to cure them from a disease that was never an illness. So how can we all be cured? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? That healing should be given to the judgmental folks, the ones who scream we’re sinners? The reason why we’re treated unequally.
Perhaps, as you’re reading this entry, and because of how I act, how I dress up, how I want my hair, you’ll identify me as a lesbian. You see, I actually don’t do labels.
When I was younger (and dumber), I used to think labels are just for cans. As I aged, learned more things about gender and sexuality, labels are important for other people. It may not work for me but it’s what helps others identify themselves. It makes them who they are. It is something we should respect and accept. Their pronouns, how they dress, how they act. Perhaps, acceptance will be so much easier if you don’t think about what others will say and see them as humans, just like me.
Once again, it’s Pride month. We recognize that we have come this far with our fight but the war is far from over. We continue to shout for equal rights. I’m glad I already cut ties (even digitally) with people who keep telling us we don’t need “special rights” anymore because the Philippines is LGBT-friendly and accepting. Are we? Really? Then why does the community continue to suffer?
The constant discrimination and stigma around people like me is the reason why the roots of Pride are protests, not celebrations. We don’t have the rainbow flag for nothing. I would always look at it as the icon, the history of how the past generations marched and fought for the rights of the community so we can have what we have now. And we should pay it forward, hence I am writing this.
One day, I hope we will no longer celebrate Pride months protesting. For now, it is wishful to think that Pride is merely a celebration. I hope the folks of the community will continue to look back at the history, especially those who see the marches as an opportunity to just flaunt their outfits and take a snap but do not really care about our plight. You can’t just say, Happy Pride! And wave the rainbow flag. Perhaps, one day, it will be just a celebration. A celebration that finally, the battle is over.
The world is made of different colors, of different shades. We didn’t choose to be gay. We just love who we love. Asking for equal rights is not a gay agenda. We just want to be accepted and to be treated equally, just like you. To feel that no matter how we look like, or who we love, our existence is valid.
We live under the same sky, breathe the same air, and walk on the same land, but how come my rights are so different from yours?
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