When I was younger, I had different dreams. Like, mga tatlo ata. Haha!
Ang pinaka una, gusto kong maging Nurse. Ewan ko ba. Otomatik ata dati na kapag babae, nurse. Pero siyempre, I am way past that stereotyping our society wired us to become or wants us to do.
Nagbago ang isip ko nang sabihan akong kapag nag Nurse ako, maghuhugas daw ako ng pwet ng mga pasyente. Back then, bata pa ako. Ni hindi pa ako marunong maghugas ng sarili kong pwet so paano ako maghuhugas ng pwet ng iba? Iyon talaga ang tanong ko sa sarili ko so I changed my mind. Pero siyempre, hindi nga iyon ang ginagawa ng Nurse. Tignan niyo! Mga sinasabi kasi ng mga matatanda, kung anu-ano!
Pero kahit siguro hindi nagbago ang isip ko dati, baka hindi rin ako mag Nursing dahil, I am so impatient. Baka ireklamo na lang ako ng mga pasyente ko.
Next, few years after, mga siguro, three years after I want to be a Nurse phase, ang sagot ko lagi kapag ano ang gusto ko maging sa mga family gathering o kaya sa introduce yourself sa mga klase -- Hello! I am Althea Cahayag and I want to be a lawyer!
Hindi ko rin alam bakit ko ginusto 'yan. Eh ang tahi-tahimik kong bata. Hindi ako magsasalita kapag hindi mo ako tatanungin. So paano ako sa korte?
My desire to become a lawyer was intensified by the horoscope magazine which I saw around the house back then. 1999 ata ang year ng magazine na 'yon na maski hindi na 1999, binabasa ko pa rin. Since I am a Libra, hence the sign, ang nasa horoscope ay maging lawyer daw ako. As if the stars are aligning to what I want. Sabi ng horoscope so, may chance. I was fascinated by horoscope readings for sometimes, they feel real pero alam ko namang wala iyong assurance.
I even wanted to study in UP that time. Well, hanggang high school naman, gusto kong mag UP until I realized I just wanted to be there for bragging rights; for myself and for my family. Sooner, I realized na it is not just about the school but also, it is up to you. Hindi ko ito sinasabi dahil bitter akong hindi ako pumasa sa UP. Siguro ganon talaga. As you age, masasabi mo na lang sa sarili mo na, Bakit ganon ang mga dahilan mo dati? Parang wala lang? Then cards will just lay on your table to tell you that you are in control, not the school, not the society, you got this!
I also had an episode when I told myself I want to be an artist na nagdo-drawing or sketch kasi my Lolo from the mother's side is an artist. Every time we visit his house, the sala is filled with different portraits of Nanay and my auntie and uncles. I had that realization when I started to draw Son Goku on my old blackboard na gawa ng tatay ko. Sabi ko noon, gusto kong maging artist.
I used to draw, tapos magagandahan ako sa drawing ko. Pero ang problema, hindi siya drawing from scratch, may kopyahan. My tita gave me coloring materials such as watercolors, oil paint tubes, and different paint brushes. May mga sketchpads din. I would ask Tatay to give me money so I can buy the Learn How to Draw book from the Scholastica Book Fair at school back then. Hindi ko na nga makita 'yung libro ngayon.
Pero again, life happened. I forgot all of those.
'Yung sa pagiging abogada, hindi ko na maalala bakit nawala. Siguro dahil sabi ko, ang dami namang stages bago ako maging lawyer. Four year course tapos another course. Eh tamad nga akong bata. Besides, I was lost that time. Well, not lost but more like, clueless. I didn't know how to get there.
Now I am 26, and I never became any of those three. I became a writer. Hindi iyong sa libro pero more on articles and scripts. Minsan, ang hirap i-define ng pagiging writer. Para kasing ang lawak. Parang sinasabi na masscom -- jack of all trades. Pero master of none.
May mga writers na nahanap na ang niche nila. Gaya na lang ng mga writers na authors na ngayon, scriptwriters, speech writer, at iba pa. Ako, after more than a decade, I still don't know what I really want to be.
Pero if there is something I really want, as of now, gusto ko magsulat. For films or TV. But I guess, medyo matagal pa 'yon. I like what I do, even love it, perhaps -- covering events, writing about different people, writing scripts for events, and some for interstitals (na malapit nang hindi ko ata gawin, hehehe). But if you are going to ask me right now what I really want when it comes to my career or what, hindi ko pa alam. Kaya nga ang hirap sagutin ng How do you see yourself 5-10 years from now? para sa akin. Sa ngayon kasi, nag iiba-iba ang career paths and growth. Nagbabago ang mga trabaho. May mga trabaho na ngayong hindi nag e-exist 5-10 years ago. Sino mag aakalang may mga social media managers na, influencers, ang b/vloggers? Gaya ngayon. I really enjoy managing social media pages, interacting with people I don't even know.
I guess, hindi lang naman ako ang ganito. Some might be younger than me, or older, who also do not know what they want in their lives. And yeah, I think that is OK. Life is not a race. Though minsan, nakikita ko ang mga kasabay ko dati na parang they are so happy with their lives at the moment, or how their social media posts appear.
Some just travel from one place to another, every month. Some already have the wheels they want. Some got the cribs they want. Some are already married while others have kids!
There was not a time I felt envious about them. I probably thought of having what they have but I would eat the thoughts right away for I know I am not that person. I don't like travelling much, I don't like to have a car as I believe it's just another expense and I might just also contribute to the traffic, and I don't want to have kids!
We just have our own paces and we can figure it out, sooner or later. And if we don't? Well, we just continue to roll and stay awesome in our own way.
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