Reading through these different lesbian stories, it feels like almost all experiences have a pattern, especially when it comes to childhood — discrimination. So I suddenly remembered something I've been trying to recall every time, despite the unnecessary need to because there was none. The bullying or the experiences of being discriminated against because I look/ed different compared to my classmates who are girls or other girls plainly.
As far as I can remember, nobody bullied me because I looked like a tomboy back during my elementary or high school or college years. Well, until now that I am already working. Or maybe there were whispers I'm unsure of or never noticed because I really strongly do not care about what others think (until now). Because the only thing that mattered to me back then was to get good grades. Be part of the honor list. Get those freakin' medals and awards despite my lack of class recitation participation. Which throughout the years made me think that this could be the reason why I didn't hear or notice anything, not even microaggressions — because society or school thinks I'm "smart". That even if I am/was tomboyish or if I would be in a same-sex relationship, I'm smart, so that balances everything. I have an advantage. But aren't nerdy ones usually bullied, or that's in the Western hemisphere?
But as I am writing this, aside from noticing how drastic my penmanship changed (I initially wrote this on paper) and how my hand hurts already as I wrote the second line, I did have heterosexual relationships back then. As bad as it sounds, I might have been "passing".
Or maybe, I am/was just really lucky to exist in that kind of circle which made me feel it was safe for me to figure out who I am. But I'd still stick to my walls and the "smart". LOL.
This book is one of the very few Filipino sapphic books I know. It's an anthology, so it has different stories which you can pick, which I think would be good for readers or those who would like to read non-novels. Those short reads, and you just end and pick up another story the next day or year even.
However, what I didn't like about the book is that, as I mentioned earlier, there's a pattern, but I also think it's the reality. But why do all sapphic representations need to be sad from one page to another? "Kailan ba ako liligaya sa mga kuwentong ito? Bakit sa simula lang masaya?" was something said when I was at around the 11th entry? I was also hoping there's a story written in Filipino, but everything was in English or Engalog, and two of them, which I would assume were originally in Filipino, were translated. (Eh bakit din ako nag i-English dito, ano ho?)
So what will happen if I wasn't smart? If I didn't do well in school? If I didn't have those medals?
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What do you think, Awesome?