Out Yet Not

I was outside today. Surprisingly, during the trip on my way home, I wasn't fully looking at my phone like I usually do. I was looking... outside. Like a kid having her field trip who gets easily dizzy hence she would look at the scenery. The only times I looked at my phone was when I skipped some songs, replied to few texts, and took few photos.

The view earlier from the inside of the car (Grab) was somewhat... peaceful; despite the recent announcement of Enhance Community Quarantine starting tomorrow. There were lesser cars, but that was not the reason I felt peaceful. I actually felt... grounded. Somehow, it feels the outside was surreal, even if I had been biking for quite sometime months ago. It was the color, how it looked like, how the sun was slowly setting and the darkness gradually covers the other part of the sky. But still, it was muted blue and orange at the same time, with a touch of pink.

It was an indescribable feeling. Something I have never felt in a long time, but I know I've felt it before.  Like finally, I can breathe again, even just for a sec. There were emotions I can't name but whatever they were, I know I was on the verge of crying. It was almost there as the tears were in the corners of my eyes.

The past few weeks had been too dreadful. Tiring. Too tiring. Maybe, this is what being away from the screens feels like. This is what the feeling of missing commuting hours and traipsing outside feel like—having the soles of your shoes and feet feel the ground, the blow of wind onto your hair and skin, the ray of sun shining through your eyes as you squint. Perhaps, this is what being free feels like but still clutched. The outside is so near. It's just there with an extend of an arm, yet it is still so far.

I biked, right away, when I reached my destination.

May tomorrow and the next ones be better.

Breathe.